I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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