Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize