i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize