I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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