Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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