I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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