p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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