And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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