What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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