It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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