His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you never un-have a 4some
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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