You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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