I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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