you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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