I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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