I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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