The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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