Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize