She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize