Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
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Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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