honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Two words: blizzard sex
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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