Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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