Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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