I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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