yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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