my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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