I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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