Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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