Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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