I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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