I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize