Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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