soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize