Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize