we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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