why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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