I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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