I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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