he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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