Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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