I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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