I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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