His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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