I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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