I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When are your genitals available?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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