Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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