dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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