I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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