just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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