he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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